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a letter 20250507

I'll be walking this May. Across a stage where my graduate adviser will hood me in recognition of my earning a PhD in plant science. I'm happy to be finished. and at the same time lost. I don't like how I finished. My defense presentation is not something I am proud of. I wasn't prepared because I had only fully practiced once! I had several technical issues happen, I did not have food for the audience or my committee. I had intended to record it but I am happy that there is no evidence of it. (But maybe seeing it I might think I wasn't that horrible.) I am scared to even discuss it with my advisor because I already know i was shit. My son is very cute but I think it would have been best for him to be at a separate location.  I am failing at home life and at research/academia or job application.  I feel as though I am unwanted by Jim. I think i am failing to communicate well at all I think i should have run that email to IBBR HR by him first before sending it. It mi...
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No Title

a pin prick unleashes the nothingness within withering souls don't sing good morning, always a bait and switch, stripes of salt line these cheeks telling of the tears that fell and even more of the emptyness that has become, since. TYB
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A person or crud

Hi,  I am constantly making myself feel like the depths of a pit. So very often, making myself feel pitifullll. so pitiful.  worrying comparing being a dipshit, a shit stick, deep pit of darkness, swirls of melancholly and selfdoubt, murky nauseous swirls of black and blue and dirty black, all wrapped up in a package of uselessness, a bottomless pit of funds and finances cant fucking focus and do anything fucking right, after four fucking years  a fucking waste of fucking education, waste TYB
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Odorous or fragrant: a prequel

Have you ever met someone's whose BO smells like weed? See this  article from VICE . I have. I recently discovered that I am one of those people. It isn't all the time, but during times when I am under duress of anxiety, stress, etc. Normally though, I have been told by my annoying partner that my body odor can be really odorous at times. I think my hygiene is up to par but sometimes I exert myself such that I sweat a bit more. Currently, I use a deodorant not an anti-perspiration. its one marketed towards men but the company is now expanding its market o women. Recently, a new brand of deodorant has debuted, Lume. Lume's website describes it as a A "pre-ordorant" than a de-odorant becau s e  "[ it] actually prevents external body odor from happening in the first place by stopping the odor-causing reaction from [thriving] on our skin."   Here is a word for word excerpt from the website: “ Lume is made from naturally-derived ingredients and i...
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Deactivating your facebook Account as of October 2019

It seems more and more like social media platforms are unwilling to let their patrons products go. I wanted to deactivate my account and it was not straight forward which menu itms would lead me there. So like every other able minded averagely tech-savvy person, I searched the internet for how to deactivate facebook. The sites the search yielded were not helpful. even articles published as recently as Apr 2, 2019, 5:36 PM were now obsolete. Eventually I figured it out and in order to redirect my frustration here lies the most recent way to deactivate or delete your facebook account: Click the drop down arrow.                                                 Click settings                       Click "Your Facebook Information"     Click "Deactivation and Deletion" ...
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The beginning of a new end approaches.

I'm afraid it will be truly over but at the same time limbo is painful. Take a risk. Late is better than never.  Or lets make it a clean severance. It hurts to start being okay and then to see you. Maybe a couple of months. You want a net. No net. Just jump. Stop gathering info. Just jump. For somethings, gather info. For some things, take the info available and take a risk. Telling me you regret not doing X... what do you want me to say? What are you fishing for? "Aww really? I'll count this as X." "I wish you did X"  I  let you know that very same day and was met with "if you change your mind let me know"
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EXCUSES

Excuses you will always have with you, and you can use them any time you want. But you will not always have this opportunity. -me (inspired by Jesus Christ)
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