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Fallen

Heyyy....
        I feel so sour..., ill at ease..., sad, full of wanting but no means of getting.   I leave my house to go to a friends because its better there, more friendly. family is friendlier happier, smiling-ier. but its so sad when i'm there because I know that my house will still be messed up when I get back home and I added to the mess by leaving. So, I came back home and I want to make things better but I don't know how. I don't want o become a door mat but then again I don't want to be sloth or even worse a burden.

        Its times like this that I truly miss and my childhood and innocence and naivete and especially the ignorance. I would be more worried about the doll I wanted to get as a gift not how I was going to pay for my education. I would feel guilty for the much simpler and physical, like stealing meat from a pot, or breaking one ten too many dishes and then throwing them into neighboring shrubs. I would know that my family was whole and loved and cherished each other; everybody was safe and living well, I needn't worry: death came by old age alone. What was money except the pieces of metal and paper that Daddy gave me to buy my lunch and other things that I liked. Even if I don't do my chores, its a given that Mommy and Daddy still have to love me, they can't get rid of me.

        Sadly, even Peter Pan could not stay static. Everything has changed. I feel like I was in the topmost floor of a very outstanding building made of glass, but I didn't know that. I skipped around, jumping, prancing, and stomping around thinking I was on solid ground; unbreakable if you will. then one day I saw a crack and I picked at it.                                          ....the floor collapsed beneath me leaving flailing and flapping which only caused me scratch my skin against the jagged edges of the glass. At the speed at which the broken glass and I traveled towards the center of mass the consecutive floors'ceilings were/are no match. I am still falling and the glass still wounds my skin. but still I do not regret my years of naivete. The fall was inevitable because although I did contribute, there were others who jumped, pranced, and stomped around in shoes that had sharp metal spikes as heels (men included).

melancholically  yours,
                 TYB

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