The way I've lead my life leaves me wanting so much more. For example the last 8 years of my life could have been so much more active, or so much productive, so much more aspiring, so much more of so much more...
I could have set goals for myself experimented in more ways life, love, art and faith. In my life I could have been childlike, I could asked the questions I longed to ask save for fear that if I ask them it would seem as if I was rejecting God, rejecting religion. But that's just a part of what I could have done that is so much more. I could have been so much more. I can still be so much more. the entirety of the rest of my life lies before me. The words that I say, every one of them, a new beginning. The much more that I desire, it's within my grasp. The questions I want to ask, God's ears are open I only need ask; I only need to look forward and test the waters by doing more; to producing more and to be more active. The entirety of existence has not ended, its only starting every single second that time allows.
But again and again I feel repressed as if boundaries obstruct my desires and aspirations. As if I'll only be shunned. This feeling's poignant. Why should i feel as such. And it dawns on me that mayhaps my desires and aspirations are fueled by other and will only be achieved when deemed by other.
I long for desires and aspirations fueled by self, me, and the great I Am.
This was brought on because I started comparing myself to others. And God definitely said not to do that. So I stopped, but the feelings of inferiority remained. Even as I write this, God is helping me get over it and move on because all things are possible through Him and I am no where near the end of my life. I really just want to get engrossed in God and to be who he means for me to be. A jealous-monger is not one the things I was meant to be.
I know I make it hard to do but,...
Stay bubbly!
TYB