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Inciting jealousy

So I have felt jealous about your platonic relationships. But I have also felt jealous about you and the opposite gender. I wager that a sexual dalliance  would have triggered more jealousy. Glad twas not the case.
I think it might be important to say that me trying to trigger jealousy was not premeditated. I was calling you as I walked upstairs to my home. Thus, I was smiling in anticipation of you picking up. When I walked into my house and my mom and her manfriend thought the smile was intended for them. So as not to disappoint I didn't respond even when you picked up.  Your constant "Hello?"s  still pulling at the ends of my mouth. When I was able to respond my first thought was to make a joke. Its only after i finished and heard the angry tone in your statement aboutit not being funny that the jealousy thing came to mind. But perhaps it isn't ungrounded that I did that.
I really like you. MOF I love you. I also trust you. But it doesn't escape me that you lead a life where you interact with plenty of both genders. I think about that sometimes and then think of my life where I really don't interact with that many people in my age range on a daily basis. I will rarely, if ever, be in a position where someone hits on me or that instead of being honest,  I decide cheating is a better option.  
I  want to know that you do know that you still have to or that you want do things because i will like it and wooing is an ongoing process.
I want to know that you don't think youve got me in the palm of your hand.  You are the first person I'm dating and the way its going you just may be the last... So its really important to me to know that you don't see me as the girl at your heels, or the girl you've bagged and no one is going to come for her, or not precious. [I guess I feel that way sometimes but I try not to].  Like these little things: me watching you leave in your car and looking back to wave that I  safely reached my door. And how I stay as late as possible at yours and drive home sleepy but you leave at reasonable hrs of the night.  I often want to talk to you restrain myself and even then my restrained number of invitations to a telephine conversation outnumber yours. Your words say otherwise but sometimes your action come across as other in my mind. I wasn't crying before but now I am.
I dont wven know if its something you can help. There's a difference between trusting and taking the other persons affections and loyalty and fidelity as an unchanging fact set in stone. My mind may be sure of the former  but my heart overpoweringly expresses the latter. This especially because it seems that i feel like my feeling for you are pretty set in stone and if someone did try to pull me away i would temain but I not sure if you even consider that a possibility and that if it did occur  and i did if you would try to woo me back. making you jealous was one way i thought i could settle that
And yes it was immature,  no arguing with that but this is my first relationship. I don't have anything to refer to. To compare to. At this stage in my life all you'll ever be jealous of are my platonic friendships which are also at the moment, few.
I treat you the best I know how with no previous input from other males or interpreting what you do based on what I've learned from other males
I am impossibly honest with you. You on the other hand have more experience to pull from and compare to.  And maybe sometimes those affect how you treat me because it brought about certain results.
I'm not even going to let you read this today or anytime soon. But i think i needed to write it. It may not be super cohesive but it contains my thoughts
Its funnily sad I woke up feeling great today and Ill be going to bed broody. I came home looking forward to hearing your voice and writing in my journal and falling asleep talking to you but a short string of word and here I am in a pit that i shat in and sat in. But I guess its better than the shit hitting the fan later.
TLDR. I want you to be jealous every so often. Just not to this magnitude.

TLDRBTL. I want to know that I am precious to you in my heart even if you don't say it.
#theoneiwilllove?
#AHitsyou #AHisityou?

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